We’re too soft for marriage nowadays. We really think it’s all about being with someone who will “make” us happy–well, it’s really not and never was. And besides, the only person who can make you happy is you.
Nowadays we get married to “complete ourselves” with someone else, not to cherish the other person. It’s really become about, “What have you done for me lately?”, instead of, “What can I do for you baby?”
We don’t even listen to the words “‘Til death do us part” and “In sickness and in health” anymore. In fact, we don’t even use those words anymore in many wedding ceremonies these days, and, if we do, we’re just not listening to ourselves saying them.
No, friends, we’ve truly become too soft for marriage. We really just can’t handle it anymore. Better we should stick with our prenuptual-agreement-laden civil union contracts, which everyone tacitly understands to be temporary anyway, designed to bust apart with the first real difficulties. And by all means, let’s get that dastardly word “Holy” out of “Holy Matrimony” for god’s sake, can’t we?!
Let’s run our three-legged race with our legs tied together with paper instead of rope, just in case the going gets too uncomfortable or mundane. After all, there might be someone else we’d rather be married to just around the bend. And it’s not like marriage should actually permanently end the hunt, now should it? Gotta keep them options open!
And, by the way, feel free to continue to do those activities you always did before getting married:
Going out for the usual drinks with the guys or girls? No problem.
Strip club? Check.
Endless pickup games or hunting trips? Go for it.
Why let a little thing like marriage change who you are or what you do?
If your spouse doesn’t constantly cater to your every whim, wish, and fantasy, get rid of him or her.
If you can’t be the center of their universe every waking moment of the day, chuck’em because they’re just not “completing you”.
If you’re not happy with them for some reason or multiple reasons, by all means don’t actually talk to them about it; just develop a nasty little attitude towards them. Be resentful all the time. Simple.
And, if you suddenly find yourself one of the millions of victims of the dreaded, “I-love-you-but-I’ve-fallen-out-of-love-with-you” syndrome–by all means, just move on man, so you can get yourself back “in love” as quickly as possible, won’t you!? After all, you wouldn’t want to NOT be in a perpetual state of blissful in-lovedness, would you? No, not even for a moment, perish the thought!
Yes, we’ve gotten too soft for marriage.
Marriage is not about and never was about having fun.
Marriage is work. Marriage is commitment. Marriage is supposed to be permanent and life-changing. It’s supposed to help us grow up as we grow together.
Nobody says we have to be perfect, especially when we’re first learning the ropes. We’re allowed to screw up, especially early on.
But learn we must, and we must make it a point to become skilled at being married–at listening, at talking to one another. At actually caring about, thinking about, and prioritizing the other person. At cherishing them.
How many people do you know who actually think about marriage like that? Or at all for that matter?
Heck, maybe marriage licenses should just be temporary, just like fishing licenses are. They’re each worth about as much as the other nowadays anyhow, and, besides, it would be very convenient to be able to pick up both in one trip to the local Walmart. (Fishing licenses in the Sporting Goods section, Wedding licenses in Accessories.)
No, it’s really just no use. Maybe just stick with the fishing license instead. Fishing we can handle.
Anthony Ferraioli, M.D.
Author, Don’t Get Married! (Unless You Understand a Few Things First)