You know that feeling you get when you have a person you can tell anything to, knowing that they won’t judge you, or try to correct you, or immediately tell you what they would do or would have done?
You tend to trust that person and you also tend to like having them around you.
Well, if we combine those two elements, i.e. trust + likability, we get what I call Emotional Credibility.
When a person Listens and Validates our feelings, and maybe Asks an open-ended question or two, we naturally begin to trust them more and they become a valuable resource for us. We also like having them around. This is especially true if we are talking about how a child might feel about a parent, or the way one spouse might feel about the other.
When you walk into a room, do your spouse and children seem to like having you around? Or do they find reasons to ‘skeddadle’ away from you?
When they think of you, are their first thoughts, “oh, no” or “bummer” or “negative, miserable person”, or do they think, “Hey!” or “optimism” or “I feel good with you”?
Do you give off the impression that you know how to live life? Or do you come across as always the victim or malcontent or that life’s always too much for you?
If we want to build our Emotional Credibility with the people in our lives, we need to act like emotionally mature adults.
This means being less impulsive or compulsive, less self-centered, less childlike and unable to delay gratification, less negative or miserable, and more competent and in command of ourselves.
If you do a nice thing for your spouse but then become upset while doing it or at the lack of an immediate acknowledegement of appreciation, you will have a NET LOSS of Emotional Credibility Points (“E.C. Points”.)
If you fail to show up at an important event or apppointment with your spouse or to offer your support and follow up, you will have a NET LOSS of E.C. Points.
If you take charge and appear committed and interested in your spouse, your children, or your household chores, you will GAIN E.C. Points.
If you seek to improve your spotaneity, zest for and mastery of your life, creativity and energy for family events or friendships, you will GAIN E.C. Points.
Using LVAC is one way to improve your Emotional Credibility.
There are nine other adult skills you will need to work on and try to master in order to grow into your own best emotionally competent adult and to break your own E.C. Points record!
(Next time I’ll share with you my “REALADULTS” mnemonic which contains all ten of my adult skills for you to learn, practice, and master!)
A. Ferraioli, M.D.